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Cant Get Away From It Misunderstood
written by: Misunderstood
category: Sad
I don't know why depression can follow you like a sore.
Everywhere you go just gnawing and picking away.
You spend your eternity trying to provide everyone with happiness but all you come out with is sadness.
I tried for that not to be me.
Many times I think I would have happiness.
I even hoped and prayed for it but it seems as just a mere illusion.
A mirror with no reflection.
I searched and searched for it to come and for once I thought I had achieved it,
but the punishments from the past just like that sore just come and take it away.
Perfect I am not.
I have many regrets in life and things I cannot change,
but to be accepted for me that loving kind hearted person
that only wishes to share myself with the man I truly love.
All I ask is for understanding because the journey did not begin with him.
It started when I was in search of finding myself.
Many lusted and many tried and some even reached past the point of primary elimination,
but none to capture my mind, my heart or my sole.
No conversation to hold me deep in thought and to encourage future plans.
People have come and gone in my life, but none with substance.
For I was told no man would and at one point I wanted to prove that wasn't true,
but all I got in return was disappointment.
So I started to believe and gave up on trying.
Just accepted the destiny of spending my life alone
and I was ok with it because that was my life.
Then here he came. Words smoother than butter,
open heart, understanding, encouraging and supportive to all my needs.
Felt almost too good to be true because it was.
Not that these qualities don't exist, but it appears I don't deserve it.
My body grows weary and week day after day trying to prove I'm worthy,
but every time I feel that I have won.
The sword comes to chop down the branches I have climbed landing me completely on my face.
Tears stream down my face draining my body of the little it has left.
I'm starting to feel that no matter how good I am in life I can't expect it back in return.
Maybe happiness is not my destiny or maybe I will just continue to be punished.
They say the past determines the future,
but at what point does the past become the past.
I would love to live in the future. In my dreams,
having them come true and accomplishing what I work hard for,
but can it happen? Wouldn?t that be so nice?
My family, my life, my future.
It would be so great, but this is all hopes all dreams.
When I blow up the bubble with all my strength will it float like a cloud or just bust in my face.
I would like to feel the breeze instead of the water from the bubble.
But when I open my eyes there is only water and I realize I can?t get away from it.
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